Divorce is not the end  

I made my decision! I am getting divorced!

I decided to follow my truth and to be a friend to myself. I downloaded a sample of the document from the Internet and I wrote a suit. It was hard for me. For the first time in my life I made a large step not driven by others. And what was supposed to happen, happened. I addressed a white envelope, put the suit in it and gave it to a lady at the post office with my heart pounding loudly. She suggested adding a yellow confirmation so that I would be sure that the letter reached the court and that it was received. I quickly filled out the receipt form with my data and gave her the envelope. My thoughts went through my head: “Do you know what you are doing? Do you really want that?” Then, the voice in my heart said: YES. That was exactly what I wanted. When I left the post office, I felt a relief as if someone had taken shackles off my hands and I felt free for a moment. I felt a cold wind blow in my face and for the first time during that winter I felt no cold but joy in my body and heart. The wound that I had carried in me stopped hurting and bothering me for a moment.

“It is a good moment for a walk.”

I thought and went to the sea. The waves were quite strong and they hit the shore leaving marks on the sand. I went along the beach thinking what life would be like then. What would it look like after the divorce and most of all, how to tell him? I do not know how much I walked but when I got home, my toes were like icicles. I took a long shower as if I wanted to wash away all burdens that I had carried until then and I made myself tea with lemon. I sat on the couch and my favorite dog lied down next to me. A white French bulldog with black spots greeted me and cuddled into my legs. I felt so good with myself. Sending the suit was like purification, like agreeing to admit to myself that I made a mistake and that I did not want to hide it anymore. I stopped being ashamed of myself in front of myself and the rest of the world.
One thought did not leave me, though. How do I tell my husband? Since the suit was sent, all I had to do was to take the courage and tell him about what was unavoidable. I took the courage and when he got home that evening, I stated: “I filed for divorce. I have made a decision and I won’t change it”. He did not reply for a moment and then asked: “What will we do with our home?” “You will pay back my money deposit and we’ll be even.” I replied and left to the other room to calm down. That evening passed without fighting. I fell asleep reading a book tired from the excess of feelings and emotions which accompanied it. The next day passed in silence. This time it was a different sort of silence. It was not a silence before a storm but a silence which let one know that it was over and no fight or attempt to reconcile would have made me change my mind. A silence which let me know that the time of truth and freedom came. A silence which warned about the end: the end of lies, deceiving myself and others, the end of illusion which I had lived for ten years.

Conclusion

You have made a decision and you want to divorce? Do not think that it is the end. Do not think that you will not make it. Your inner strength will lead you to your goal and you will overcome obstacles which stand on the path to your happiness. You let yourself reveal the truth which was hidden, maybe even for years. You are stronger than you think .